my revolution

I live in a prison for the criminally insane

 

 Or so it so often seems at least.  Because I'll be having a reasonable conversation with a guy and then he'll tell me about his approval of compulsory education or some other threat of murder based social engineering hobby.  This is crazy enough.  Then I explain to him how what he just said is a violation of his own morality.  Usually, he refuses to follow the logic of the argument.  But occasionally, he's courageous enough to be honest with himself enough to admit he was being inconsistent.  However, invariably, he concocts a slew of ad hoc justifications for it anyway.  Either way, now he's double crazy.  Then I suggest that his illogical insistence on violating his own morality to assuage his fears of other people might be the result of his lack of success at processing the negative emotional consequences of value frustration in his own childhood.  Then he gets offended and shames me for being rude.  So now he's triple crazy.

And forever, this guy was basically everybody that I knew.  And it left me feeling insecure.  Because either every single person that I know is crazy, or I am.  And I'm honest enough with myself to prefer the simplest explanation.  So I needed new evidence.  I needed people who thought seriously about their moral principles.  I needed people who didn't make justifications for immorality.  I needed people who were dedicated enough to self discovery that they knew that when they get offended it's because they're lying to themselves about something, so they get excited and grateful for the opportunity to learn something about themselves.

So I was going to move to New Hampshire for the free state project.  Because there are so many An-Caps moving there, and while they aren't necessarily fully integrated comprehensively courageous people, they at least care about consistent morality.  I knew that most of those free staters were moving there for counter productive political action.  And I knew that most of the rest were moving there for unproductive counter economics.  But I was hoping that enough of them were moving there for the kinds of courageously intimate relationships that would finally prove to them that they're definitely not the crazy ones.  But,

A funny thing happened on the way to the revolution

First, I went away for 6 months.  I got away from all the shaming relationships with all the abusive and chronic victim of circumstances crazy people.  And I got slowly convinced of and comfortable with the ideas that they would survive without me rescuing them and that I didn't owe them anything.  I've been dropping unsatisfying relationships and enforcing boundaries with increasing ease ever since.

Second, I got a handful of people in my life who aren't crazy.  Two old friends who keep surprising me with their relentlessly successful dedication to personal growth.  And one new friend who occasionally has to remind me not to walk on her egg shells, because she's neither a coward nor an asshole.  My circle of friends is starting to resemble the cast of an ayn rand novel.  But with intimacy and irony (and subtlety, god damn it!).  And, of course, without the rapeyness.  So,

dear new hampshire,

I'm not coming to your party.  My revolution isn't violent or political or economic.  My revolution is personal.  My revolution is a dedication to being as comprehensively courageous as I can.  And to demanding the same from my closest relationships.  And then they'll demand the same from their other relationships.  And the chain will continue.  The more comprehensively courageous I become, the more courage the wider network of people around me will demand in their own relationships.  My revolution doesn't require books or guns or speaking tours or get out the vote campaigns or you tube videos or jail sentences.  My revolution is a self reflecting, consistency demanding, personal responsibility taking, boundary enforcing, intimacy building, rising tide of virtue that raises all ships.